Hundreds of films are released annually, which in one way or another impose on modern people the fashion for open relationships. And if you believe the beautiful picture, then in the finale there will certainly be a happy ending with flowers, a ring, and adult deeds. But can an open relationship replace a strong connection, and is the desire to maintain independence more important than the usual “lived happily ever after”?
The times of knights and poets are far behind, lost in the ruins of history, among other events that cause a languid sigh of nostalgia. Theatrical courtship and rituals of winning a beautiful lady are no longer relevant, because the modern world tells us about gender equality, simultaneously demonstrating in every possible way that not only a man but also a woman can take the first step in a relationship. And the completed sexual revolution completely brought the relationship without obligations out of the shadows, declaring that now everything is possible and only a person can decide what exactly he is looking for.
There were such formats of relations as “friendship with privileges”, “bondage without obligations”, “one-night stands” and even “guest marriage”. All these various variations of proximity were called the general term “hook-up”, which means “to cross.” That is, you are a couple for several hours, and then again no one owes anything to anyone.
Such relations were first promoted in the 1990s. So American youth strove for equality and eventually achieved a significant shift in the boundaries of the age at which it was previously customary to enter into marriage. Open relationships have become more and more attractive over the years and today they have become almost the prevailing format of intimacy between people.
It is enough just to recall modern cinema to understand: the hero of today is a successful self-confident ladies’ man who is disgusted by long romances with one woman. Fair sex does not lag behind men, demonstrating that for women marriage is no longer an indicator of wealth and a necessary attribute of life.
Such relations were first promoted in the 1990s. So American youth strove for equality and eventually achieved a significant shift in the boundaries of the age at which it was previously customary to enter into marriage. Open relationships have become more and more attractive over the years and today they have become almost the prevailing format of intimacy between people.
Who would argue that relationships without obligations are attractive because they do not require responsibility, they are fun, easy, and do not hurt anyone, in the end. Easy online flirting, friendly sex, funny evenings with a person with whom you feel at ease and who does not expect any decisions from you. This makes it possible to get rid of tension and not try to impress, realizing that you can be yourself because in the morning you will part. Of course, there is nothing more tempting than gaining control over the area of life in which we are most vulnerable. Above the sphere of intimacy.
Usually, “adult children” are inclined to this format of love, who have not managed to come to terms with the world of mature people and prefer to live according to the principle “I like it – I don’t like it” or “I want it – I don’t want it”. Life in a couple is always full of difficulties, compromises, and certain obligations. It is necessary not only to learn to give in, but also to control your words and actions, and this is difficult. So is it possible to judge “adult children” that they seek to protect themselves from this?
It is much more convenient to choose sex without obligations than hard psychological work in tandem with a partner. However, no matter how many temptations this form of intimacy hides in itself, in reality, it looks only like a denial of responsibility and a fear of opening up to another person.
Any quarrel is a reason to leave. And as an excuse – “we did not promise each other.” Psychologists are sure that only in a couple can we realize the true value of communication and learn to hear a partner, and find a compromise.
Any new acquaintance is a step towards the unknown. And any decision to start a romance is a huge risk because someone else’s territory does not promise beaten paths and you will have to learn to walk along with it, moving by touch. It’s a risk, but it’s always worth it.
Because it is the couple, the family, that is the main indicator of human evolution. By depriving yourself of this in the name of the status quo, a person not only loses a lot of emotionally important things but also risks forever losing the opportunity to learn how to live in a real family.
In addition to immaturity, psychologists identify another reason for the rejection of strong relationships – psychological trauma. According to one scenario, her parents’ divorce is to blame, and in another, a failed relationship with a past partner. In any case, both options leave not only the bitterness of disappointment but also panic fear, which is not so easy to overcome on your own.
Preferring real intimacy over easy relationships without commitment is, of course, not easy. At times more difficult if they have already become part of your daily life. But only by taking this step, you will be able to leave the negative experience behind and begin to move on in life.
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